Should i stay or should I go now?

I often tend to think that everyone is addicted to one thing or another, some people are addicted to work, others drug, others alcohol, others are addicted to looking a certain way, or having certain things, I am addicted to food. I love it, I worship it in more ways than I would like to admit right now. I have read book after book, started diet after diet, i have tried counting calories, being apart of fitness groups, ect and I still can't seem to beat my addiction to food.

I have been in a rut now for several weeks, thankfully I have not gained back any weight but  3months ago I had hoped that by now I would have lost 30pounds and I have still only lost 10. In some ways I am tempted to feel defeated and even just want to stop carrying about it all together, but I can't. So I daily live with the guilt of having not eaten correctly and I wonder why can't I change? What am I doing wrong? What is it that I am really not getting.

Things have been hard this past month, Carl was diagnosed with UC, Zach his allergies and is other bowel issues, Ellie her allergies, we've been facing sickness after sickness and I konw that the logical reasoning side of me says that food and dieting should not be at the top of my list. Yet, in my weakness I am turning to food and not to my God. There is something oh so delightful about a piece of chocolate that with one taste makes me feel as though the world will eventually be alright. And the salty snacks often relieve the edginess I feel like I live in daily. And i am reminded with every bite that I am not turning to my God. I am seeking comfort, relief, and pleasure from food. This has always been my problem.  Sometimes I feel so alone in the endeavour and don't feel like there really are others who get the battle, and sometimes I feel like I am just too busy or too emotional to handle the battle at all.  I look in the mirror daily and hate what I see, i long to look different, and then I realize that I am just worshiping another false god.

One must eat, as God doesn't want us to starve ourselves, nor do I believe that God wants us to abstain from chocolate or even salty snacks, but I don't think God wants me to rush to food every time I am emotionally upset.

This is a battle that won't or can't even be won in a matter of a few months, even those that go on the Biggest Loser face the battle every day after they've lost the weight. And "LIFE" happens in ways that upset our routines, our balance and our daily endeavours but even so as understanding as it all my be and as easily as I can use it as an excuse not to face the battle...I must. 

But honestly I am having trouble starting the race again, I feel alone, and I am having trouble seeing my savior walking this road next to me. So how do I see him how do I just bite the battle and do it and walk away from the things that would try to convince me that I am a slave. Because truthfully the chains are g.one, they don't even sit next to me anymore but I choose to stay...so how do I just walk away?  I know my heart needs to change and it has some but it has so much more to go.