Day 3

While we are in the waiting process of beginning another stage of our family journey, I am going on a personal journey. I suppose though in a family unit nothing is really all that personal for everything I do individually seems to effect all those around me.

My journey, is one that I have embarked on many times but I get the feeling that this time I will surely make it further than I ever have before. Much of my journey just involves discipline that I should have had all my life, but haven't. I could blame my parents, life circumstances, or even God...but I won't because regardless of what I was or was not given the only person responsible for the physical state that I am in is myself.

As long as I can remember I have been overweight. Even as a child I was in larger size clothing than most of the other girls in my class. At that time it had more to do with how God had made me than what I was eating, or how much exercise I was getting, but as time passed and life happened it had a lot more to do with what I was eating, and how much I was exercising than how God had made me. And at some point I just gave up on the journey all together...I left the path. I've often come back to the path just to give up again and go off the path. Much of this tumbleweed journey was because I had the wrong mindset, unrealistic goals, sinful picture of beauty, and just selfishness....I didn't want to control my body, in fact, I rather enjoyed it controlling me.

I also think though that there really is a time for everything and all the times that I have failed before were just preparing me for this time. Through the failed attempts I grew to know a little more about myself and about the things that God desires for me. I learned a little more about what true beauty looks like, learned more about the important of setting realistic goals, and I've learned more about the importance of not letting our bodies rule over us. I hope to be able to share some of those lessons with you on this particular journey.

So here I am day 3 into the journey...The last 3days have been extremely difficult days. I have gotten up at 6am , two out these three days to go lift weights at the gym. Why so early? Well, 1. it's the only time of day that I am assured to have the vehicle this week as my husband works 8:30-5:30 and we have VBS at our church. 2. I feel less self conscious...I know that may be an idiotic reason to go the gym at 6:00am but any other time I've been to the gym in the later afternoon hours the weight lifting area is full of, mostly, men and I get so uncomfortable lifting these little 5pd dumbells when the guy next to me is benching like 250pds...lol, and 3. My husband inspires me (sweet I know.)

See, I wake up at 6:00am and I pump (I'm nursing) so that I'm not uncomfortable at the gym and while I'm pumping food for my son my husband reads scripture with me. When I'm done pumping, we pray, I get ready, kiss my husband goodbye, and head to the gym. He inspires me because I see how happy he is to see me doing something that is healthy for me. He inspires me because I know that he loves me just the way I am now but it thrills his heart to see me be obedient to what God desires for me. Going to bed knowing that if I wake up on time tomorrow I get to spend some extra time with my hubby, and with my God is a huge motivation. Going to the gym is a bonus because I get alone time, which every mommy craves, and I'm already awake so why not?

I won't lie, these past 3days have been quite challenging. I have been keeping a food diary and writing down all that I eat. This is something that I have not been willing to do in the past. Just a discipline that I have never desired and thought was pointless but I already see the difference in the fact that I have something visually reminding me and keeping me accountable to my goals.

Speaking of goals: I have allotted myself 1800-2100Cal which may seem like a lot but I am nursing and I have to be conscious of keeping my milk supply in tack. I will adjust this amount next week if I need to...but I figure it's best to stick to what I have set for this whole week. My goal is to lose 1-2pd a week...seems like so little but all the research that I have read says this is a healthy weight loss for a nursing mom. I also have myself on a weight/cardio rotation. I will rotate between the two every other day. Except for when I am on vacation, I won't have access to a gym so it will be easier to just do cardio for that time. My current weight is 280pds, so with the goal of dropping 1-2pds a week my weight goal to meet for August 2011 is 176-228pds. I would obviously love to be on the lower half of that spectrum but we'll see how it goes.

I know that this is not a journey that I can go alone, very few people can, so I covet your prayers and ask that if you would become a cheerleader for me that would be incredibly fantastic. :) I have now gone public with this determination and if I turn back I will only appear foolish...so I suppose there is no turning back now. Hopefully along the way you will learn a few things too I pray that I can encourage and inspire someone the way a good friend of mine here has inspired me. I will of course post pictures along this journey and I'm excited to see the transformation take place :)