I feel like it's been weeks since I last really blogged all though it has only been a couple of days (smile.) I know this past weekend brought some disappointment as my weigh in on Saturday revealed that I had gained 0.8pds even though I could contribute that gain to a stressful, busy week, dates out, parties and get together, the truth is it really had to do more with my lack of discipline and going over my daily points target. I am thankful for WW weekly point allowance but I used all of those as well as a few extra. Something that I really learned in this though was that I truly can not do this task on my own.
Left to myself I find it all to easy to justify my appetite, and cravings. I can, at times, even rejoice, in my sins of over eating, such as Friday I ate an entire box of little Debbie oatmeal pies. I usually don't even have such snacks on hand but at the grocery store I gave into the temptation and said "oh I'll only have one and the kids would love a special treat." So the one little Debbie turned into another little Debbie and pretty sure by the end of the day all 12 of the little Debbie's were gone and I'm sure i had like 7 of them myself. Anyways at first I didn't think anything of it and said "oh well, it was just a bad day." but I wasn't sorry about eating all the little Debbie's. I thought "Well I don't do it all the time so surely its not that bad." Now I can understand a little of how people can justify any sins. We think "well it's not that bad" on the grand scheme of sins. I mean surely me eating a box of little Debbie's is not worse than murder. I'm not sure who or at what stage of time a hierarchy of sins was created but I can certainly see how people justify there sins in the light of murder, sexual crimes, and war crimes, etc. And if we were to put food sins on the list of hierarchy of sins it surely must be at the bottom somewhere. I'm beginning to feel like I'm going on a different tangent now...so back to my post (wink)
Somewhere towards the end of the day I began to realize that eating the entire box of little Debbie's was probably going to cost me in my weight at some point and i was beginning to feel remorseful. But not about eating the Debbie's but more about the consequence I was going to have. If I feel remorse about the consequence of sin it isn't necessarily going to produce a heart change I need to feel remorse about the sin itself and then accept the consequence that goes with it so that together a heart change is made. Which brings me to the lesson learned. When my husband came home and discovered the box of Debbie's all gone, he gave me a smile, and then "a look" not a shaming look, but a look and asked "what happened?" So I told him and I said, "I know it will probably mean i gain weight but oh it was sooo good and I never eat like this, besides, it was just a bad day." Sensing my remorse in the consequence of what was to come he said "Honey, I don't want you to be remorseful that you will gain weight, I want you to be remorseful that you at the entire box? What was your heart set on that drove you to eat a whole box? " so we discussed it and by the end of the discussion I was remorseful that I at the whole box.
Even though it was something I haven't done in weeks, it reflected where my heart was that day. I was being lazy because I felt stressed about other things so instead of grabbing a healthy snack, i grabbed one that was wrapped in sugary splendor, and though 1 maybe even 2 would have been just fine and still pleasing to the Lord-as he wants us to rejoice in the good things given to us- the 3rd, 4th and so on reflected that I cared more about what was easy, pleasant, etc than I did about what was good and healthy. I am so thankful that I have a supporter like my husband, that is able to help me figure out why it is that I act the way I do at times with food.."
One last and quick thought for the day. I am reading a book called " Lose it For Life." Great read and one particular passage I read today really resonated with my soul. In Chp 2 page 45 3rd paragraph he says.
"Scriptures which declare who you are in Christ are wonderful source of comfort and support. Put them on a 3x5 cards or do whatever you need to do to be reminded of your true worth-whatever gets it in your head. You are not what you weight. You have worth just because God created you. He esteems you already. He's not waiting for you to lose 10pds. He values you Now! he chose you, and He love you unconditionally. Nothing you do impresses Him. He looks at your heart, not your outward appearance (see 1 Samuel 17:7)
Wow! How i needed to hear those words (read them in my case) today. So often others will judge a person by what they weight and they will judge the entire person by it. I often feel rejected without a person even knowing who I really am by the way they look at me. I know this was especially true of my past. I love the fact that God is not waiting for me to lose 150pds he is pleased with me and loves me now because he created me and can see what others can not.
Love it :) Love Christ, Feeling blessed and strengthened in my soul today. Thank you to all of you who are praying for me on this journey. I truly can not do this alone.
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