Some thoughts

I have been given many blessings and the string of tornado's this spring has just given me a renewed sense of how blessed I am. I find myself loving my family more and being more content with what the Lord has given me; with the large amounts of life being lost this spring all of the other things that I often think matter really don't.

My baby boy is feeling miserable. His environmental allergies are seemingly out of control, his teething still in process, and the two together feels almost unbearable to him. He sleeps a lot, poops a lot, fever's on and off, and all I can do is give him his medicine, try to give him foods that he'll both eat and help him, and give him lots of loving. My baby girl is feeling better, I am looking forward to seeing how we can help her allergies more but unfortunately this means she will be undergoing testing as well (which is painful) I pray that she will do as well as she can and be brave through it all.

My husband's colitis is getting under control and he is learning how to live with it more and more everyday but with medications to treat his colitis comes a new outbreak of acne on his back-the worst i've seen in the 3and1/2 yrs we've been married. He of course refuses to see a dermatologists because he is convinced that they won't be able to do anything more for him than the doctors did when he was a teenager. I love him :) Acne and all :) Which leaves me even more in awe of God's sovereignty the things that we are self conscious about as children that we carry into our adult lives are the very same things that God gives us a spouse that sees the beauty still in HIS handy work.

Memorial Day Weekend 4yrs ago Carl asked me to marry him and I said "Of Course" and then "Yes" because "of course" just seemed so unorthodox to say and then he kissed me our very first passionate kiss That kiss is still etched in my brain and is making me want some more kissing from my husband (Is that TMI?)

Today my husband gave me a letter he wrote a couple of days ago, it was just the touch of romance that I needed from him. I am blessed to have such a wonderful husband, friend, and confidant.

I am hoping to take the babies to the park this afternoon if they are feeling up to it.

I have hit a critical point in my "godly pursuit of healthiness" being that I have reached a point of many temptations and am left wanting to give up on it all. I have failed now for a couple of weeks and often am left wondering why it is that I can't seem to change. I find myself once again going back to the basics of heart issues. I hate how my heart wonders and easily go astray. I am a food worshiper. I hate that. I fight it everyday and I am so thankful that I have a God that pursues after me even when I turn away from him. I can only pray that my heart will long more for what will never perish or lead me wrong, that my heart would long for the ONE that will never leave me more than it longs for self pleasure and focus.  I am not giving up on this fight, God doesn't want me too, but I am in a rut.