I don't think many people read this blog anymore...I used to be discouraged and felt "bad" by this as I would often measure myself worth -and success- by the number of comments that were left. I don't do that anymore. I honestly don't care if people leave a comment or not but have come to find that blogging -with the little bit of writing skills that I have -is a place where I can come and just jot down my thoughts. What I write today will probably not follow any particular train of thought, I will probably not have some wonderful way of linking everything together and I definitely will not be able to write this completely free of errors. I laugh at that last statement...because ironically I believe that my thoughts-or any human thought in general- are not free of errors. So here I go...
Love Wins-a book by Robb Bell...I haven't even got the chance to read this book yet and from all that I have heard about it, causes me to feel a little unrest...Maybe because the questions of Heaven and Hell have always been laid so clearly before me and this book "supposedly" would go against most of what I have been taught. But would I go as far as to call Robb Bell a heretic...Not at all. Because I can see the argument...I can understand how someone could reach the "supposed" conclusions that Robb Bell reaches...I suppose it all really makes one examine how one views the Gospel. So here's me being honest.. the thought of God letting everyone-eventually-in upsets me, because honestly I have had a lot of evil done to me in my life, I have shed tear after tear because of evil that has been done to me and the thought that those who have committed such evil against me would one day stand with me by my savior...makes my blood boil. And then I stop and I remember the Gospel...and I ask myself this question "why is it that Jesus' blood shed on my behalf is enough "justice" when it comes to my sins...but not enough when it comes to those of someone else." And I think of the verse that says that one day every knee will bow and tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord and I can't help but think..."well there it is...there is all those sinners getting into heaven's confession of the one true God... so then why would Jesus justifying my sins now look any different then him justifying someone else's sins later?" So without having read the book, I can see the argument and I can see why believers would believe this argument...
On the flip side though...all the human reasoning that I can think of to support such an argument as that which I believe Robb Bell is presenting ( i haven't read the book so please understand this is assumptions and thoughts and that I hope to read the book soon) doesn't give me clarity on verses that talk about how there will be a judgement for those that don't believe in Christ. On how the wicked will not inherit the kingdom, and then there is a whole section in Romans about how God hardens the heart of Pharaoh so that HE can bring about the plagues so that his Glory and righteousness can be found even in the midst of people suffering because of their sins. So for me the argument is compelling for both sides...And having unsaved family members every part of me wants to embrace the Robb Bell version but I just can't and not because I view the Gospel as a get out of Hell free card, and not because the first church I ever attended was a conservative Christian church, but because at the moment (and this may be a clearly selfish reason) I want to believe that God is just as good and loving and righteous for displaying his Holy character towards those that aren't holy. _
----------------------------subject change----somewhat anyways------------------
On other news Someone posted a comment on my former Pastor's blog that really made me sad. Sad because whoever posted it doesn't seem to know him as well as they probably thought they did and sad because of how they went about asking the questions. I made a mistake when my husband and i were first married to write to someone thoughts that I had been thinking and those thoughts placed into words no matter how well intentioned or legitimate they were was the worst mistake i made. I should have had the guts to go to the person that was making me worried, nervous, and fearful and talked to them in person or over the phone instead...and had I done that I think a lot more could have been explained, a lot of feelings would have gone unhurt, and a lot of misplaced ideas in my head would have been more clearly answered. I think whoever 'anomenyous" is should have done the same. I think my former Pastor did a wonderful job in handling the comment though, gracious, and brave as he always has been.
One question that -Mr. A- asked has really stuck out to me... He asked at the end "what happened to you...?" I don't know if that question was meant to be cruel or not...or if it was generally sincere but for the sake of this post I am-once again-going to assume that it was sincere. I too have often asked the "what happened?" and not because I think my former Pastor went balistically off the deep end and is now a heretic but because most of what I strongly believe in now was because of what he taught me then. And I find myself deeply struggling because I have been forced to ask myself over and over and over again...if what I believe was really the result of the Spirit working and moving in my heart to believe it or was it because someone I deeply love and respect said it was so. And I find myself struggling because I am such a people pleaser and I worry way too much what another person is going to think of me...and I find myself struggling because the only love that I feel like I had after my grandmother's death was that of Jesus and the wonderful pastor's family that God brought in my life and I can't seem to shake the childhood abuse in my life that tells me that I will only be loved if I do and say the things that someone else wants me to. And if I do and believe one thing and someone else does and believe another and the only thing that connects us is Jesus how do I just let go and trust that the love of Jesus really is enough!!!!
-----------------------------------------Last bit of news--------------------------------------------
I have been exercising 4-6 days a week...for the last 6weeks..I have been counting calories. I have been doing everything that at one point I never thought that I could and I have triumphly lost 10pds! I am going to be posting a pic (ugh) of myself to document every 10pds lost and I hope that whne I have reached that "goal" I will be able to stroll through all the pictures and see the wonderful work the Lord has accomplished. I really can't take credit for 10pds lost, I know that I do have a role, I know that I am doing the things that I have been challenged to do but honestly this is truly the Lords work in my life. I have never gone this long before on any healthy endevour and it has all been the work of the spirit that has sustained me this far!
This was a lot... I know...I can only pray that those that read it will be gracious and remember that these are all just thoughts and will remember my first statement that even thoughts have errors. But I will say this a ton of bricks just fell off my shoulders and I can now breath again! God is good! Love most definately wins to me no matter what side of the argument one may land on. That's just how I see it right now.
2 comments:
Sara, we will always love you. You will always hold a special place in our hearts. We won't always agree and that is ok. You are still you and I am still me and God loves us both deeply.
For me, I really don't expect us all to always agree, no matter what God is teaching us and leading us to do. That might seem a little weird because God isn't an author of confusion and wouldn't exactly contradict Himself, but I think that a little discordance keeps us humble and learning from one another instead of somebody having all the truth and getting really cocky about it, thinking they have all the truth because they did something on their own. I'm grateful for the story of Paul splitting ways with Barnabas. They both had a valid point, but neither one was all the way right or all the way wrong.
I'm always concerned about where we lead others when we are open to new ideas. But you have grown into a beautiful adult with a vibrant relationship with God that will survive and thrive without our input. You work out your salvation with fear and trembling the same as us and we will let love cover anything between us.
(Incidentally, I hate how busy I am right now and I am actively looking for ways to make it stop so we can catch up. I did try to call one day but I missed you. GRRR)
for some reason my comment did not appear here...mmmm
Anyways I said... that you are very sweet as always. And I thank you for the reassurance :)
I have been out of town for the last 5days visiting family it was a good but cold trip. And I had also said that the children and I would love to come and visit sometime this summer.
Love you too!!!
Post a Comment