It has been a while since I have felt any creativity to write. Honestly, I just don't always know what to write about. I tend to think that I am a boring person, and maybe it's not even that I am boring but more so, my writing tends to be boring...lol. I've never been good at putting my thoughts, artistically, on paper or anything else for that matter...lol.
So I've been taking deep breaths lately trying to get back into good, life changing habits. Once upon a time in August I set out on a healthy living journey, and I did well, i lost 6 pds and overall was just more healthier. Then somewhere in there came illnesses, vacations, and trials and I lost sight of my goals.Now here in October I have 6pds back and battling a small bout of depression.
I've always battled with depression. I think a part of it is genetic and another part of it has to do with a tough past, and honestly a big part of it often deals with my own sin. When I'm not focusing on the right things, when I'm not seeking after God, when I don't read my bible, or pray. I get depressed far more easily and often then when I do. And I'm not saying that doing those things cures all depression symptoms because honestly, it doesn't. However, doing those things helps me to often have the victory over those symptoms, they don't consume me, they don't eat me alive, and they don't leave me neglectful and unloving towards others.
Now I'm trying to grow, trying to get my bearings back, trying to move forward and not let setbacks be the end of me. I'm exercising again, choosing good things to eat, forcing myself to eat breakfast, playing with my children...learning to take and implement advice from others as well.
Recently, Carl's job has not had a lot of over time available and we've been living off his overtime for several months now. We've had to ponder the question of whether or not I should go back to work and we've both prayed, and have come to the conclusion that I will be staying home. Which is wonderful! I want be home with my children. I want to see them grow. Honestly I've never felt more called to serve God in any area of my life than this very one. But the questions still arise where does that extra money come in?
A good friend of mine gave me a book called Miserly Mothers by Jonni McCoy. This book is a story of how one mother quit her job and her family lived just off the father's income. They didn't have to sell their house and move all it took was a little commitment, wisdom, and creative thinking. They were able to save a ton of money that they were eventually able to start paying off their debts after she got really good at it. I will admit I've been skeptical of money saving tips in the past, some of them seem to be too much work (like I've said before I'm lazy) but I've let others and the Proverbs 31 woman inspire me to give it a try.
I will be honest sometimes i think that we place too much emphasis on the Proverbs 31 woman. Pastors, Sunday School teachers, Bible College Professors, book writers, and even stay at home mothers, often make this women sound like she is a 'god' to emulate. They make an idol of her principles, and ideals, and somewhere in there lose touch with the fact that this woman was not a perfect woman, she is not the perfect wife, nor the perfect mother. But she is virtuous :)
She is still a woman to be respected, admired, and yes even looked up to, but not to be made an idol out of.
I think that I often place too much emphasis on all the things she does and not on the most important thing of all...she fears the Lord. It seems like to me that out of all the things that she does her main motivation is because of God's work in her life. She fears the Lord and therefor she is to be praised.
Proverbs 31:30 "Charm is deceitful, and beauty is passing, but a woman that fears the Lord, she shall be praised."
I have a lot of pride, and I am very lazy to my core, I give up too easily, and care too much what others think of me but if I love the Lord, if I "fear" him. If HE is my greatest motivation then I have great motivation to not give up, to not give in, to pursue what he says is good. And then I am filled with hope, and joy, that even my income sensitive family can make living off of one paycheck work. Even I can lose 80pds if my motivation is greater than my selfishness. Even I can not let depression consume my life if I am looking to the one that can help me the most.
2 comments:
Sweet friend, when I was your age, I flat out hated the Proverbs 31 woman. She was so darn unattainable, as all I could seem to manage each day was to keep the poop down to a minimum.
But you grow into her. One day you wake up and realize that your kids have their winter coats before it snows for the first time, or you are up late finishing some project that really helps your family out...and you realize....you are growing into her.
I think it's hilarious about her too that there's no "proverbs 31 man." You know why, I think? Because we women compare ourselves so much. Men don't do that. But it's almost as if God threw it out there as something to live up to...something for comparison. Something to remind us that maybe I am living up to something even if I am folding my 4,0000th load of laundry.
As to your feelings...Shoot, girl...I'm so impressed by you. You are handling being the mother of little ones better than I did. I barely remember it I was so often depressed. You are doing a great job and I know that you can keep holding your little family together well with your service to them.
We are doing a great study at Vintage from the book "Emotionally healthy spirituality." It's hands down the best book I've read in a long time. Remember that God just wants to be with you, he's not up there wringing his hands saying "If only Sara would read her Bible more." You already know more about God than most people on earth. Relax in His love for you.
I am so proud of you.
God is working in you everyday, honey. You are a woman who fears the Lord. You will be praised and thus bring praise to the Lord "who works you in you both to will and to work for his good pleasure".
You also are crown to me as well honey :).
Post a Comment