heading back

We will be heading back to the town that I grew up in very shortly. I always have mixed feelings going back to that small town in the middle of a state ;)

I have fond memories and very sad memories. Most importantly I get to see my family but as everyone that reads this blog knows it's hard going back to visit those that are hard to love.

Every bit of time traveling is spent talking with my husband about the joys and excitement of seeing everyone again but also the fears, the concerns, and the reminder to not set high expectations on ourselves or on others. Every free moment is spent praying that the sense of deep loss will not be so overpowering that I forget to enjoy, or that I being to overlook the

blessing that is called MY FAMILY.

And why is there a sense of deep loss on these trips? I feel a deep loss because God has blessed me to have known better. He has graced me with in laws that have learned to communicate, love each other, and have learned to love me. He has given me through my husband's family a family that I never had as a child/teenager. I have tasted that sweet joy and when I go back my family I see the deep contrast between the two and as my husband put it "there really is just an air of dark depression"

Maybe 'loss' isn't the right way to express but there is a sense of grieving. Grieving for their souls, grieving over unforgiven sins, grieving over broken relationships....

I am always truly humbled when I go back to that small town because it is a constant reminder to me of how big my God is, a reminder of how drastically Christ can change a single life and how wonderfully he orchestrates events to draw and make people not of his own, his own.

If you read this would you please take a moment and pray for me. I need prayer for wisdom to handle tough conversations, wisdom to give good advice when it is asked for, wisdom and boldness to stand by my convictions. Most importantly prayer to Love these people as Christ loves each of them, that I would not be tempted to past judgement and ridicule but that I would have mercy and compassion. Also please pray that I would enjoy all the fond memories that come flooding back and that those memories would be the ones that I would dwell on most.