Brief update

It has certainly been an interesting adventure in my household these last 2 weeks. Ellie is adjusting to having a baby brother and surprisingly handling it very well. She likes to go up to her brother and point at him and pat him gently on the head and then she looks up at me and smiles. This just melts my heart every time. I think that these two are going to be very good friends at least for now :)

Zach has adjusted well to being outside of the womb but he like every newborn has had his complications. His biggest thing right now is that he has not yet overcome his jaundice condition which has led to a temporary stop to breast feeding (which means that momma is pumping) per doctors orders and depending on his test results on Monday we are hoping to be able to resume.

I never realized how attached I would grow to being the only person that feeds my newborn son until I had to stop. Seeing someone else feed him does bring me joy but it has also brought me anxiety that my son no longer really needs his mommy and anybody can just do the job. Fighting that lie in my head has been a tough battle for me this weekend as I am already feeling emotionally weak for numerous reasons.

I am so thankful though for a loving and encouraging husband. When I was in a moment where i was sure that my son was forgetting that his momma normally feeds him my wonderful husband just let me cry and re-assured me from his experience as a son that a son never forgets how much his momma loves him.

I have also really enjoyed being a Momma the 2nd time around. This time has proved and will prove to have it's challenges but there is something about it not being all brand new that has eased a lot of the typical stresses that come with having a new born.

My c-section recovery is going slow but well. Thankfully I have not had a huge amount of pain and most of my discomfort comes at the end of the day after being up and around most of the day. I've had to stop and remind myself on several occasions though that I did just have some abdominal surgery, which is no small business, so I have to give myself some slack and recovering room.

Something that I miss doing that I haven't' really been able to do because of the c-section is play with Ellie. I miss playing with this precious little girl. I miss picking her up and throwing her in the air and making her laugh. I miss hanging her upside down and kissing her belly just so i can hear her little squeals of excitement and I miss chasing her around. Having a 13month old who likes to throw temper tantrums can be quite the challenge but I miss her and I miss that challenge and I'm hoping that it will be able to resume within the next week.

Things that I'm concerned about. I'm concerned that I won't be able to take care of Ellie as well as she deserves because of the c-section. I'm also concerned about Carl, my huge support system, returning back to work mid-week, mostly because I think to myself "Will i really be able to handle all this?" And lastly i had a short bout of PPD with Ellie and I'm concerned that I will get it again with Zach but at the same time since I've been through it once already I now have a better plan of how to deal.

I am thankful though, I'm excited over this new little life and I think that having a little boy is so much fun...and even funnier moments that come with changing diapers. I can't even put into words that story but know it involved daddy being covered in urine. LOL