Today she didn't sleep anymore than 1 and 1/2hours because she was so hungry...I spent the rest of the time trying to pump and nurse but my supply is out and I think it needs some time to refill..
Little Eleanor is so hungry, which is normal, but I can't seem to produce fast enough for her so we needed to supplement between feedings with formula. I will be honest it is a good thing for her...she's really a pleasent and sweet baby girl when she's had enough to eat but between my nipples, and her tongue, she just hasn't been getting enough which has made for a very upset little one and an exhausted Mommy both emotionally and physically.
I will also say I cried as I fixed the formula bottle after spending about 1hour trying to nurse with little success. I guess I just felt like I was less of a woman and a mom because I myself couldn't give her what she needed. My dad comforted me though and reminded me that either way breast or formula i was still supplying something for her and that I needn't be ashamed.
I won't lie, I was some what prepared that this could happen as the first time I had a womanly check up the doctor told me that there would be a chance i wouldn't be able to fully nurse because of my nipples...but I'm still sad.
I just keep reminding myself that the important thing is that Ellie is taken care of and I shouldn't be ashamed of what God gives me to do that with.
3 comments:
Oh honey...I soooo understand!! I so struggled with some of those same feelings. You are still a wonderful mom and she will never remember wether you had to do that or not! Stick with it and it will be worth it in the end but it is hard!!
and if it ends up that you can't...you are not a failure either!! there are thousands of wonderful, healthy children who grew up taking formula. I know it's hard but try not to stress about what will happen with not nursing or nursing...but just take that day or even that minute and look in her beautiful eyes and enoy her tiny little hands. You are a great mom!!
It's not just about the "feeding" her aspect, I remembered to think that. It is skin time, cuddling, letting them hear my heart.
Keep nursing...your milk will catch up. Growth spurts are difficult but the more you nurse, the more you produce....sometimes the balance is just a little off.
good job~!
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