Lessons over the 4th

It is 4:30 in the afternoon and i am still at work, some may think that isn't so bad but when you've been in since 7:00 in the morning you get tired and want to go home. Well since i can't go home i decided to take a greatly needed break from work and give an update on life.

My mother came out to visit me over the 4th of July holiday and it was suprisingly a wonderful visit. As some of you may know my mother and i haven't always had the greatest relationship and she wasn't always the greatest mom and still isn't in a lot of other perspectives. However, she is my mom and as I have watched other lives grow in the tummys around me i have developed a sincere respect and appreciation for a woman who carries her baby to term even if she is young and scared.

There is a whole lot to being a mother besides just giving birth but that one detail alone is enough for me to respect mine even though there are many other women in my life that i would consider to be a sereget mother.

I realized some things about my mother, things like the longing she has in her heart to be whole and complete, more so to "FEEL" like she is whole and complete; the ever so widening gaps she feels are in her life as she has lived so much of it from those she feels connected to the most, and the pain she feels when she knows that some of her children are embarressed by her because of her size and status in life.

I used to get bitter about the poor choices my mom has made that severely affected my life but as i've grown and have gotten to know her i realize that had she had made choices any differently my childhood may have been worse...or more so...i wouldn't know my mother the way i know her today.

All of this has brought me back to my own place of humility and thankfullness. Thankful that Christ is in me, and that he has brought my heart to terms of his Father's Sovereignty and wisdom.

God certainly doesn't do things the way we think he should or even what we think would be best yet he knows precisly what needs to be done to get the outcome that he wants to have.

I truly feel more blessed in having gone through the trials than i think i would had I lived without them yet God's grace abounds in trials, suffering as well as in the good times.

So, i'll pray that you too will see his grace no matter what you may be facing, and that you will know his love and accept his soveriegnty and truly believe that his ways are better than ours.