Okay so I couldn't stay away for long...but thats okay. I really just blog for myself because i have so many thougths that i think i will explode if i just leave them all in my head.
Some old things...Carl and I had a good first Thanksgiving together. It was a busy one though that consited of going to buffalo for his grandmothers 80th birthday celebration. Because we were the newlyweds and Carl is the youngest of 4 children and his simblings are all just about 20 years older than him...I felt like we kind of got stuck at the kiddy table. It's hard to connect with others that are significantly older than you by quite a few years.
I guess that is something i've been thinking about. Carl and I really don't know any couples near our age...all are more experienced at marriage and older than us and that isn't a bad thing but as a result there are somethings that we just can't fully understand and identify with no matter what previous life experiences we may have faced as individuals. And I suppose thats okay but it's hard because i'm an encourager by heart and its hard when i can't be an encouragement.
I don't really know an appropriate way to express what i am thinking right now and i think in many ways it just may be better to keep my mouth shut and continue to be a gracious person...but i feel hurt...and I feel rejected and I don't know what to do about it. There's a part of me that just wants to turn my back completely and then there's another part of me that wants to suck it up and stick it through but i'm not sure if I can anymore.
The worst part of it all is i can't talk about it...I can' t express it because there's this tendancy in my life where everyone else around me gets to have grace when it comes to expressing their thoughts...but i don't?
Since life has slowed down from moving and getting married and getting used to new routines i've been looking back on previous life experiences and I don't know what to do about them. I'm afraid if i don't talk about it I will be left bitter and warped from it...but if i do talk about it I open myself up to scrutiny and possible rejection and i'm just not sure that i want to go through that right now.
So...i leave it be....and I post about other things...and i'll shove my experience down and hope that it doesn't happen again...but it will...somewhere else it will.
2 comments:
What happened with the doctor???? I've been waiting with baited breath, but I didn't know if you were working when I could call. Sorry I missed your call the other day.
when are we both not busy???? Call me!
Perhaps an email to someone who can help would do the trick...and protect you from scrutiny by everyone else. Enjoy your first Christmas with a hubby!!!
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