As i reflected on my last blog being apart of something bigger i realize that i want something bigger than myself.
For those of you who have already graduated college or are going to graduate or for anyone who is just a little more wiser than me you will understand when i talk about restlessness. This unquenching restlessness inside of myself to be more and to do more, to "accomplish" something and invest the 'talents' that God has given me. Part of this 'restless' quest for, well, me...is discouraging because i can't see that 'bigger' thing yet.
My soul longs to experience this world and what it has to offer. While i understand that this world is not our home and our souls ultimatley long for and crave to be with the Father i truly believe that HE has created some very 'good' things for us (his children) to enjoy and delight it.
My soul longs for healing and with that healing, intamacy, in a way that i have never experienced before. Do you know how long it has been since i have poured out my feelings to someone who actually wanted to listen and participate in that healing process with me. Or how long it has been since i have allowed myself to sit down and have a heart to heart with someone verbally. We as humans long for intamacy with each other and yet we so often run from it because it is 'weird'.
As i have examined myself i realize that i have no problem letting people into my soul but only so far into it. Anything deeper i always write out but to speak it...well that is a completly different set of steaks that part of me is not willing to chew on yet.
Authenticity of the soul is hard at times but i wonder if maybe it is really supposed to be the easiest thing we as christians should do.
The healing process of the soul i think is a lot like the healing of a bad infection in a wound. It is one of having to dig open the scab and bleeding the infection out in order for the wound to fully heal...but even in that case a scar is left.
3 comments:
Amazing blog...
I just went back to at 30, because I desired something...more.
I am a massage therapist...and even after all the healing I do throughout the day, I still feel like I am missing something.
I wish you all the best in you journey.
I had the most amazing "healing" experience this week. I shared some "intimate" hurts with someone--things that I don't talk to people about--and that person just cried with me. There was nothing that could be done to make it better, but just to have someone hurt with me was like a balm. I don't feel like those wounds are quite so intense now.
It's so true. We are all bumping through life trying to pull the leaves over our terrified selves. Sometimes we don't share because we haven't found the right person to entrust our junk with. And sometimes the right person is there, but we are just not ready to open that closet and let all the skeletons tumble out on top of us. But every once in a while, we have great moments (like when somebody babysits our kids) when we are able to connect deeply with our spouse or a friend or God.
Larry Crabb calls it "entering your red dot." YOU ARE HERE, the red dot says. You can't go anywhere until you admit that you are at the red dot.
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