I've had a rough day today...it just has not been my finest hours. I'm glad that when we fall down it doesn't disqualify us from the race.
I wish that other believers knew that.
In so many ways these past for years have been the best thing and the worst thing for me and my spiritual growth. The best thing for me in building a solid doctrine of faith and beliefs that come from God's very own mouth and not my own experiences...The worst in the sense that in the for about 3 out of the four years that i've been here i've had very few godly, living, examples for me to follow...
Yes, i've had relationships from long distances and those i do not take for granted at all...but sometimes feel as though bbc assumes that everyone who comes to this school has a solid strong background...students who don't come from the background that i have seem to judge me when i mess up, forgetting that they too are a sinner saved by grace.
I'm somewhat dissappointed by my fellow christians and yet they are the ones that God commands me to love...today i hated them..and i know that hate is a strong word...and as ashamed as i am to admit it...i did hate my fellow believers. I did not hate them as in as people..but i hated the way that they so often treat me, and treat others.
I re-acted improperly to a situation that occured at about 1:00 am...i wasn't thinking straight ( who thinks straight at 1:00am) in the day that followed one of the people who had offended me apologized and then explained what was really going on...and i apologized for reacting so harshly...but then the other one who offended me..well, didn't see how at all she was wrong..so i apologized for, again, how i reacted because whether or not i was in the right...it still was an improper reaction. Well, she took the apology but then proceded to give me a whole lecture like i already didn't know what was wrong with it...she then went on to make me feel ten times worse and basically said (not in these words but very close to them) that i am not a good representative of the Lord. Because i have moments when i mess up...
I haate that not only do unsaved people remember all the times a christian messes up...but apparently christians who have experienced the same gift of Grace that i have...remember all those times as well.
It makes me very, very sad. I cried for a good hour after that conversation...and i just poured out my heart to God...The LORD knows that i am not perfect...he knows that i will mess up and at times won't be a very good representation of him...but it just hurts to fail God...and as i was crying...expressing to him my heart, my frustrations with Christianity, with myself, with his people...and as i thought to myself...Why bother running this race if i'm just going to keep falling?
I realized then that falling is not the same as failing...and falling does not disqualify me from the race...He's right there the whole time, with the love, mercy and Grace that his own people aren't able to express and HE lifts me up, brushes me off, gives me a hug, tells me he forgives me and then says "Go finish the race...you can and will still win. I'm here, cheering you on because you're still my little girl."
5 comments:
keep your chin up. christians struggle with the same sins as people who do not have Christ in their life. i believe one of Satan's best strategies is to discourage us by attacking us for a "mistake" that we've already tried to fix. have you ever noticed that when you've been working really hard to improve in some area...someone inevitably comments on that area as if you haven't changed at all? well, just smile and remember that Christ's blood has covered your mistakes!
hey..its through mistakes that we learn..and remember to act differently.
and dont let someone talk down to you..its one thing if they are TRYING to make things right..but if they just start bitchin at you..excuse yourself from the conversation..say like, "I'm sorry this conversation is just not working for me right now". and DON"T apologize if you didn't do anything wrong. We dont need a bunch of pansies taking the heat for other people being idiots.
and I wish you had elaborated on the situation..IF at like 1 00 someone is distrurbing the hall, so others have to wake up, or whatever..that is Simply NOT good manners...and they are in the wrong..Period.
((hugs)) to you
Hey I have been trying to call this girl I know named Sara so if you can find her and ask her when is a good time to call that would be great. She called me the other night but I had fallen asleep because I was exhausted from going to Sno Camp. Your title for this reminds me of the Go Fish song I love. He is always there and loves me and you. He created us. If it were not for His love and His grace. I know how you feel. For your other post I am glad God brought you into my life too. Your invitation to State Teen changed my life forever.
The words to the song kinda go like this.
The ones you love may let you down but I want you to know that I am sorry. The choices that they make are wrong you were caught in the middle and I'm sorry. So when the anger and the pain get the best of you I know that it seems like your all alone but I am feeling it too. Because your my little girl, your the one that I created no one in this world could ever be like you. When your crying in the night all you need to do is call me and I'll be there for you because your my little girl. When your looking in the mirror I hope your liken what you see. Because no matter what your feelin your perfect to me. Because I see you as a child blameless in my sight just spend some time with me and I'll make everything alright. Because your my little girl the one that I created no one in this world could ever be like you. When your crying in the night all you need to do is call me and I'll be there for you because your my little girl. I know you dont deserve what you have been through and i know it doesnt seem fair and I know there are times you think your alone. But you've got to know that I will be there. Because your my little girl the one that I created no one in this world could ever be like you. Your my little girl.
Well I think this comment is plenty long enough I will quit rambling now. I hope this song brings a little encouragement. Keep your chin up I will be praying for you. Love ya. Later.
That is exactly the song i was thinking of when i wrote the title...you're good...real good.
Yeah that reminds me of the poem footprints. God is always more loving and mericful than I will ever be.
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