For those of you who don't know this summer i really liked this guy, Chuck. Chuck is this amazing guy who helped make what was in many ascpects a hard summer into a terrific one. I didn't really realize that i actually liked him until he realized that he liked this other girl whose name is actually, sarah.This past month has been very difficult because since Chuck started dating Sarah, our relationshiop has changed, like it should. But i guess for a while i felt like i had lost a really good friend.
Now Chuck and i go to church together so seeing him on sundays haven't been the easiest thing to do, as wrong as it might be i've actually tried to ignore him on the college grounds. So there have been 2 Sundays now where i have actually had to leave church because it has hurt so much to see him. Today i left church and went for a drive and i had my first real good cry over Chuck...i just cried and i poured out my feelings to God and i went to go get a hot chocolate about 30 minutes away from the church..and i finally was over my denial.
For this past month i think i have tried to convince myself that i really didn't like chuck at all that what we had this summer wasn't really anything but the truth is it was.I talked to my close friend, angela, and told her about different things that had happened, and she thought that maybe he actually did like me but wasn't going to pursue anything because he thought that i liked somebody else...i was glad to clear that up and to be reaffirmed in the fact that i just wasn't being a "girl."
But more than just having a good talk with Angela, i had a great talk with the Lord that morning...and after i actually cried I was reaffirmed with different things that i already knew to be true but just didn't want it to be...
1. Chuck and i have a ton of fun together but he isn't a deep thinker
2. I could never see myself marrying chuck, therefore chuck and i would have dated for about 3 months and then broken up.
3. In a relationship you can't have just all fun all the time, but you can't also just have all seriousness all the time...so i need somebody who has certain qualities that Chuck has (those qualities being if you want to know...ask) but i need someone who is also a deep thinker and smarter than me.
4. I am not in a place to date anyone with graduating this year and possibly moving to Arkansas i just don't see a relationship with anyone at this time..and therefore i'm not really looking..
So this story has a happy ending...after i get back from my Sunday morning drive with the Lord...Chuck and i actually talked...and no i didn't pour out any feelings for him i just gave him basic things that he would just not be able to figure out because it wasn't enough information. After the conversation, i had peace because i realized that while my relationship with Chuck has changed Chuck still loves and cares about me very much as a friend...So, i haven't lost one of my best friends i just gained one in a different way.
Thanks for reading
me
8 comments:
sara,
i wish i could pass somebody off to you :) it seems like all the people who want a boyfriend, don't get one (i know--not God's timing). And then, there's me, who doesn't want a boyfriend, yet i seem to always get one anyway. God has a sense of humor, and i could be wrong, but when you come to a place, where you truly would rather be just you and God, He'll send a man along who will fulfill a deep need in your life--deeper than just loneliness or the desire to share your life with someone. those things are important, but i think they are not enough. He will send a man along who will help you to understand God in a deeper way. ask me why i am saying this!
did you change your template because of me? i promise i didn't copy yours on purpose!!! you just had good taste!
No elizabeth, i did not change it because of you..i actually just liked this one better..and why do you say this?
I made a list, when I got divorced...I figured I hadn't picked well, and when I was SANE I would write it down, and follow it...as I recall...Decent car (embarassed to get in to some cars that dates picked me up in), Non smoker, could be Father if mother were dead (I wanted to be able to be MOM as I had cancer and was told I was sterile), GOOD teeth..heh..nuff said there, have a job..yah some of it was REAL basic.
When I dated someone..and something came up (hee hee SOMETHING ALWAYS CAME UP!!)...and they didn't fit on my list..I said...BEFORE I got attached, "thanks but this isn't working for me"...and stuck to it.
at the time tho...I was so burned out on Christianity...that wasn't even on the list, as most guys I knew were NICER that weren't "christian".
because i have a new boyfriend! it's crazy...i seriously was 100% done with guys. but, God has a sense of humor...right now He seems like a Father who likes to tease me for being so dumb...and He says "okay, elizabeth, you say you don't want another man in your life...well...what about this one? hee hee...i bet you won't be able to resist, because i heard your list of requirements." okay, God, you win.
I will admit..i long for deep intamacy with someone just as much as the next person..and i am realizing that this longing isn't a bad thing..but i also realize that only God satisfies that longing in a complete way..
Right now, however, i really am content with just being me and that is a very cool thing..i'm excited about graduating "single" yet afraid knowing that when i move out to Arkansas things will be completely different..my close friends (meaning, peers) won't be there...and i will be working with a group of people who are already closely tied together on many differant aspects...
So, the single life is good and rewarding i won't lie and say that i don't want anybody..but i also won't lie by saying that i need somebody...i just want someone that i can confide in and trust with my deepest longings, dreams, fears..ect...knowing that they will be there even when i mess up..
but wait, i already do have that.. i think his name is Jesus...
Yes, it is differant...however he is very, very good..
Famous Camp BaYouCa philosopher once said..
"You don't realize that Jesus is all you need until he is all you've got."
I like that quote...maybe i'll use it :)
feel free to..
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