just some thoughts..

My heart is feeling a little sad today... I see all those around me that need the gospel and I have no idea how to really get it out to them. I started a women bible study and two women have come and only one came today and she ended up leaving early and very suddenly...I am hoping that I didn't offend her in the sense of that I made her feel bad about her church because that wasn't my intention nor do I know anything about her church...but the circumstance to why she left suddenly and unexpectedly make me feel that is the case. So I am going to try to talk to her later this week and just make sure I didn't unintentionally make her feel bad.

I think about all the things that we try to do as Christians to reach out to others and I am never quite convinced that any of us really have a balance of it. I feel as though if we just try to get to know people and dive into their lives that way and then hope to get a chance later to share Jesus, isn't quite the way that Jesus did ministry. I mean I look at what he did and I see that he healed a person and then shared, or he shared and then fed, shared then healed, there is definitely a correlation but I don't ever see an example where he waited and waited and just waited and then after months of 'getting to know'  was when he shared. I mean everything that Jesus said and did had to deal with pointing people to Himself and His Father at that exact time. But if we do something similar now I think people see us as pushy or as the religious freak.  But I also don't see Jesus just preaching without doing....it seems like it constantly goes together.

So I'm sad because what is it that we should do? How are we supposed to live out Jesus if we aren't preaching him but how are we supposed to preach Jesus if we aren't continually living him? And I don't think we can-they are supposed to go together. And I'm sad because in all our flaws, in all my flaws, it seems like its really one or the other that we focus on...Some churches focus on preaching Jesus but it's not going with the service of Jesus, and others are Serving Jesus but still aren't necessarily preaching him...and I'm sad because I, in all my fears, doubts, and worry...don't really know how to find that balance myself. I so wish many times that Jesus would just appear to me and say "do this, say this" so that I wouldn't find myself struggling so. I mean because I don't want to be a person of just thoughts and visions... I want to be a person of action...

All of that to say as I pray and seek out  this one lady who left suddenly today  I don't want to just come across as someone that just wants to preach to her, but I want to show her that I genuinely care about her...and the same for the other lady that wasn't able to come today I want to show her hat I genuinely care about her...and I want to show this community that God loves them  and I worry that I am going to throw so much love at this place that they will be annoyed with it but.....I also know that it was LOVE that changed the world.

I want to do more than just preach I want to act, and share love, I want to give and serve others...but I also want to do more than just act, share, and serve I want to preach and I think that is exactly what Jesus did...the two went together.