We had a very busy week last week. Ellie started potty training on Monday and did a great job Monday and Tuesday, we would have kept the potty streak up except come Wednesday morning my husband had a fever over 103 degrees and severe pain from his Ulcerative Colitis. It was pretty scary and I am sure I would have taken him to the hospital early Wednesday morning had my husband not purposefully let me sleep. So by 8am we packed the kids up and took them to a friends house and took Carl to the Urgent Care center who then sent him to the hospital. He spent all of Wednesday "out of it" and finally got some pain med in the evening time. By Thursday morning he was feeling better but his platelet levels were extremely low so the docs kept him one more day to see what was going to see if they would naturally get higher. Friday morning he was discharged and spent the rest of the day at home resting, meanwhile, potty training got set aside and as the kiddos are sick this week I am thinking we'll start again next Monday.
All of this happening left me feeling a bit alone and tired. When I get scared of the future I immediately want to jump into action and take control of things, that is what I have always done. Somehow I think that as long as I've got a plan that I can place into action then I can know that everything really will be okay but it's such a prideful way of thinking. And a thought process that is separate from God. While I do think that it is good to plan for things as much as we can I also think that my response to jumping into a plan of attack is very sinful. Because in many ways what I am saying when I first make a plan instead of turning to God is "God I don't think you really will provide, I don't think you really will work this out, and I don't really think that you are bigger than my circumstances, therefore I must execute this this and this so that I am prepared for when you fail me." I don't just stop and pray, i don't poor my feelings out to him, i don't ask for help, or for wisdom, i just start formulating a plan. And it is often my husband that points out to me that I need to stop planning and turn to God first to see what his plan may be.
All of what has taken place makes me stop running towards my plans and makes me start to run more towards my God because isn't that what he wants us to do in the first place when these things happen? Aren't these trials in our lives tools that God uses to get our gaze back on him? Doesn't he want us to stop with our earthly planning and first and foremost turn to him. I am not advocating that we stop planning things all together and I think most of you understand that, but in the process of our daily planning shouldn't we be flexible to God's light and direction?
1 comment:
Sometimes quietness is very unnerving, especially after noise and commotion. But there can be such intimacy in quietness before the Lord. Much of the time, I find those times to be unexpected; I can't create them but sometimes I can cultivate them.
I pray this week will be blessed with some of those for you admist the slowness
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