It's been a while

It feels like it's been too long since I last blogged. I know that I am not the world's greatest writer but when i sit down to write/journal (whatever you want to call it) I feel like I am keeping a piece of myself, it's a place where I come to and am reminded that I am more than just a wife, and a mother, but that I am a person. And yes I do forget that often.

So when I last wrote I was sure that my scale is broken. I am still sure of that, so i really have no idea how much i truly weigh I'm hoping that it is on the smaller side of the daily numbers I recieve every week...lol.

Also since then my babies have been horribly sick. If your children have never had Hands Foot and Mouth disease...pray that they never get it. This has just been a terrible virus for us. Both of my children have had bouts of fevers, blisters, fussiness, diareah, you name it they've gotten it. On Saturday, Zachary refused to eat. He wouldn't nurse, take a bottle, anything. Just refused because apparently his little throat was just covered in these horribly painful blisters. We ended up having to take him to the ER at Kosair's Children's Hospital where they admitted him and gave him an IV and fluids.

It was so hard seeing my baby boy look at me with these eyes that screamed "Mommy, mommy, why are you letting them do this to me..." but i didn't know how else to convey to him that this was what was best for him and that this would help him feel better. Sure enough after 10hrs of being on fluids he started to look, and feel, a whole lot better and he started to eat for us again. There is no doubt in my mind that he needed those fluids and thankfully he is feeling healthy again.

Ellie is still running a fever but hopefully that too will pass.

Carl and I are doing a lot better, we were never sick, but I think it was just a part of a 3yr ich or something we were kind of going through a spell of some sort. Probably just changes, changes in life, other stresses, ect...we just had trouble communicating and it seems that through all this sickness with our kids we've been able to work through some of those communication difficulties. It feels like we are dating each other again....sometimes I wish those feelings never went away but the reality is feelings come and go and a marriage can not be based on feelings. Love, however, is a feeling but it is so much more than that. We've really taken on the commitment to really love each other, even when we don't feel like it, and that commitment alone has often made the feelings follow. Hmmmmm..... so many thoughts that I just don't know how to convey into words.

This post seems so choppy and I apologize because i really don't have a good way to end it...