Since I've been gone...

So life has been crazy and emotional since my last post. Sometimes I really miss blogging especially when I think that I have something important to say but most of the time I just try to wait because I'm a terrible writer if I don't have anything important to talk about.

Since I've last written my time of watching the other 6 month old child, Faith, has come to an end. I have been both thankful (as Faith was particularly a difficult child to take care of somedays) but also sad (as she did bring us joy and some income.) Habbits that I had distincltly established before my time of watching her got destroyed when she entered our world and now I find myself struggling to re-establish them as they were good habbits and edifying to me and our family.

I find myself once again playing the waiting game with State assistance or should I say Commonwealth assistance. I've recentlly learned that Kentucky is not really a State but a CommonWealth...strange...I always thought that States and Commonwealth's opperated differently but I haven't really been able to tell the difference since moving here...my only question is do I now still live in the United States of America if i actually live in a Commonwealth? I know I ask weird questions sometimes.

Anyways back to Passport, I was really impressed by the treatment I recieved and that Ellie still recieves with this particulare government assistance. I don't think that I've ever lived in a "state" that has offered so many choices on a government program. Ellie get's 100% coverage for anything that she may need and when my SocialWorker puts in my paperwork I too will get 100% coverage, this will include dental, eye, specialist (if need be) ect. While being on government assistance is truly humbling I am also very thankful for it. I get angry when I find out that people take advantage of it but am still more grateful and gracious when I look at Carl's checks and see all the money that he has placed towards it for people like us.

This month has truly been a humbling trial for us. For months we have known that Carl simply does not make enough to cover all our expenses but for months God has always provided 'enough +' for us to make it by. This month a lot of those resources ran dry and we found ourselves staring at a bank account that wasn't accumulating money faster than it was being drawn out. One desperate day came just yesterday when we noticed Ellie had just enough formula to get by for another day, we scraped together enough grocerie money to be able to get her formula but had none for groceries themselves or for our first set of monthly bills. I think its been a while since I've spent a whole day crying. And the first time I truly understood the sacrifices a parent makes to feed their children. In the midst of my desperation I knew that God would provide for us somehow but yet a dark cloud filled my soul that I found myself troubled that maybe this month would be different and that he would not.

I find it truly amazing how God gives one spouse emotional strength and spiritual steadfastness when it seems as though the other has not and I asked my husband..."Aren't you worried. Don't you just want to cry too." ...and he said "Sara, I've been worried and crying for months, I've also been praying because I knew this day would come, God will pull through, He will take care of us." And God being the gracious God he is did indeed "pull through" with a loving church families gift to us and their prayers that another job, part time, or full time that supplies all we need.

I don't think I will share this story on FB as I'm sure it would only cause some relatives to worry but I wanted to share it here because many of you have been where we are and you know the hurt, the worry, the doubts that come in situations like these but you also have seen God's amazing goodness, and faithfullness and the ways that he has "pulled through" time and time again.

I find that in our Christian walk we are often being re-taught lessons of faith that we once learned long ago. I suppose though that we should be no different than the Israelites that were taught the same lessons time and time again. There is something about our human frality, or maybe even our sins, that can tend to keep us from staying on the truths that God teaches us but I am so glad that he loves us enough to be patient with our doubting hearts to teach us one more time those lessons.