How does one love sinners that have hurt you the way that Jesus loves sinners that have hurt him?
I'm finding myself in an interesting dilema via technology getting old acquaintences back in touch.
I mean, i just friend people from highschool not because i want a relationship with them but because I am nosey and curious about how their lives turned out.
I will also be honest and say that I am a sinner and theirs apart of me that wants to see if they're lives are crapy, and if they've gotten their just deserts...Because I want to puff myself up and say to myselfs "ha, the ones that said I was a loser are just a bunch of losers now." (I know isnt' that aweful I feel really guilty for admiting that.)
But i'm really struggling because all of a sudden one of these people want to be friends...like seriously. And this is someone that was a main pro=ponent in making my life miserable in high school and I don't want to be their friend.
Honestly, i don't trust her. I don't trust someone that told another friend of mine that I was making out with their (the other friend) boyfriend behind the church. UM...pretty sure my first kiss was my husband... and then 7 years later messages me and says that we were such good friends.. "Oh please" The thing is she doesn't know that I know that she was the one behind...trust me,...she was...the mastermind. And I can't go into details of how i know but as women, we know.
That wasn't the only thing...I'm trying to love this woman...I'm trying to remind myself and talk to myself and say "Sara, it's been 7years, the woman has 3 kids, and is married, odds are she's probably matured since highschool..." But I don't know if i can do it...
Maybe she really became a christian she says she's an active church member and childrens ministry leader...but we all know that that doesn't really mean anything in and of itself.
So I find myself...very intense at the moment...Angry almost..Wondering why in the world God would bring the last person on earth that i would ever want to see and know again back into my life...but obviously he wants me to grow and learn to let go of a few things.
So I"m praying about it but like I told Carl...i don't trust her.
But again...how do i love her like Jesus loves me. Because i'm pretty sure I spent years before i became a christian and even afterwards hurting him...and the moment I became a christian Jesus became a friend, a true friend, just like that. No strings attached.
It's easy for me to love hurting people...but loving those that have hurt me...that's a little more difficult.
"Oh Jesus, you do not hold against me the sins that I have commited against you. Help me Lord to do what you do with me to others."
1 comment:
I don't have a lot of sage advice but I do know the book Bold Love by Dan Allander is a great one for working through some of this kind of stuff. Also, it's ok to set up boundaries with a person...even via technology.
Oh, and I'm glad you decided about counseling. I know it will be challanging but it will be so worth it and you will find yourself so blessed and encouraged. God doesn't allow you to go through things for no reason and he will use what you are growing through to minister to others later on.
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