obtaining the greatest piece of meat at the supermarket is not what i live for.

How do you all like the new look?

I'm just changing everything huh? And yes Donna I'm porkin out a little bit but it isn't because i'm pregnant...lol. I won't be preggo's for a couple of more years at least that is our plan God could do whatever he sees fit though.

So, it seems as though changes are in the air. Not just for me either.

I like to think that I am person that looks forward to changing seasons of life and yet, truth be told I've often been a person that has been afraid to have those 'adventures' that I've idealistically fantasized.

I set my own expectations for myself and then I..........fail them.

I raise the expectations that others have placed on me and then I.......fail them.

I tell myself of how i should do better, be better, live better, compare better and then I....fail at it...big time!!!!


So then I look at all the I statements that i make in a day and I wonder....When did I become so self centered?

Maybe some people don't think there's anything wrong in wanting to be a better person but when one is consitantly focused on looking at how and why they ought to be better, the ways they screw up and what makes them a screwy person....i think doctors like to call that a form of depression....

So am I a depressed freak....maybe I am? Maybe I'm not?

Maybe in reality of all things I've just lost my focus.

I once told someone that..."obtaining the greatest piece of meat at the supermarket is not what I live for." And then gave them a really corny example of the things i tell myself every time i see an image that i want to be, have or do....( i like to think it made the person laugh a little bit...) But in all honesty...it's very true.....I don't live for a piece of meat!!!!!! I don't live for the worlds sexiest body!!! I don't live ......(fill in the blank)!!!!

When studying the bible one could find that a significant difference from the Christians and the unbelievers the apostles write about is that the Christians are focused on something "not of this world."

So then why do I, why do you, why do we....focus and pour our energies into things that are of this world. Why do we, especially as women, find ourselves consitantly basing our 'godliness', perfection, security, on things that are not secure.

Where is our faith as Women? Some of the greatest believers in the old and new testament were women! So why, as women of today, are we so weak and vulnerable to lies and insecurity.

Where is our strength that we are known for. Women can endure child labor, heartaches, and backbreaks....but that whole trusting in god thing is just too much for us....?

If it sounds like I'm mad...it's because I am...I'm mad at myself for losing sight of faith...for being certain of what we do not see.

I have traded in a hard core persevering Christian faith for a sagging banana peel. All for what? Because a big bad society tells me too....oh rubbish....I need to stand up and fight for what I truly live for...and it isn't the best piece of meat...or the best clothes....or the best house or the best body or whatever it is that you think I should have.

This post is more for myself and my own reflection of things that i need to remember as i grow as a wife, and as a woman... but i hope that it will encourage you all to remember what it is you live for....

Is that meat really the most important thing? That house, that body, those clothes....are those really those things that if you do have children you really want to instill in your children....

What do I live for....

What do we live for...

What do you live for....?