Confessions of a Bride to Be

Hello Friends,

I think a long heart felt post is way overdue, but up until this moment I just didn't know what to talk about. I didn't want to become one of those 'annoying' young women whom only talk about the wedding before the wedding and drives everyone crazy because of it. However, I don't think that annoying is bad all the time so bare with me and hopefully you'll enjoy this post as well.

As many of you already know I have moved into our apartment. I'm sorry I don't have any pics for you yet I will take some and post them as soon as our apartment is in some type of order. It feels so good to be in my own home again and to begin to set up one for Carl. But in the midst of it all I've notice a few growing areas of my life, or things that i need to grow in such as my expectations.

I have all these expectations for the kind of wife that I would like to be, i think that maybe a lot of Christian women do when they get married. Every now and then though i fail those expectations that I have for myself in this, now preparation, time and then I realize that the expectations that I have for myself are not the same ones that Carl has for me. His expectations are more realistic and more gracious than mine. I truly think that he is the better of the two of us and I'm learning how to be more like Jesus through him and God's grace.

I have 10 days before I become a Mrs. and I've been praying and asking God to give me joy during this time. I want to enjoy these last days of my current status and I want to be an encouragement to those around me...yet, i notice, how i can get caught up in my own stress that i forget those around me and I lose the joy that i should have right now. So you can pray that i will keep the joy and the strength that God is giving me.

I'm looking forward with anticipation to the coming 'vows,' and I'm looking forward to our wedding night as well but with that has also come a little bit of reservation, fear, but also excitement and passion. It's a vulnerable thing for a woman to open herself up to a man in such an intimate way. A way that no one else knows her, a way she barely knows her self and that can be kind of scary.

Yet I know that sex will be beautiful in the 'beautiful' God sense kind of way and i think that it is good to laugh and enjoy just talking about it now. Thankfully I have many great friends who have helped to paint a realistic picture of sex for the first time, the first month, the first year, without taking all the mystery and wonder out of it for me. And to those I say "Thank you." And to the rest I simply say "please don't rob me of the experience, some things are just best known at a later time."

I feel like there is a whole chunk of my heart missing from this letter but i have yet to be able to put words to that chunk so if you're patient maybe later i'll find the words but for now... you have Confessions of a Bride to Be.