I'm feeling a lot like Brittney Spears worst and cheesiest song of all time
"I'm not a girl not yet a woman.." So then what am I....lol.
Am i just an 'it' kind of thing...lol
But truthfully this has some weird point to it all.
I've noticed lately how I am constantly comparing myself to other women. For a good portion of my life i compared my looks and now that Ive seemed to stretch a good distance beyond that point of my life I find myself now comparing other traits.
Maybe it's because I'm in a relationship that will hopefully lead to the big 'M' someday. However,
I've noticed how i say things to myself like, "I don't think that i will be that way, I don't think that i could do that, I'm not so sure about that one there."
I was telling a newly married friend of mine the other day about how i never noticed the things that i am truly insecure about until i got into a serious relationship with someone else. And how i often wonder if I've got what it takes to be a good wife, a good mother, a continuously good friend to someone else.
I've noticed that I'm not entirely as 'feminine' as other women. I'm not into decorating or rearranging my house. I think that there are other more important things that i could be doing in my spare time..what little spare time i have...but I've also noticed more and more how much i wish that i would like those things more.
I often feel a big separation between me and other women because i don't like those things...and i also often feel like I've some how 'missed the picture' of woman hood.
Maybe it all has to do with the stage of life that I'm in right now. I'm still 'single' according to Uncle Sam, and I'm still a 'newbe' when it comes to this whole life thing. Maybe, just maybe, i will grow to appreciate the type of things that it seems as though the majority of women appreciate...but then again, maybe i won't?
I'm not sure that this constant comparison thing will ever change, i think it is something that I as a woman am proned to do but i do know that I do not have to let it master me.
I am who I am...and I can look back and say that it was my parents fault for getting a divorce and my mothers fault for not teaching me things that mothers often teach their girls, or i could even say that it is God's fault for letting my grandmother die on me at the most pivotal point in a girls life...
But in all honesty, i am just who i am and i imagine that just as i have changed in some areas of living i will probably change again in others.
Maybe, just maybe when and if i do get to the big 'M' I'll tap into a whole other side of woman hood.
3 comments:
NOOB. someone who is new to a game, or website, online game, or something.
lets go mess with the weak little noobs
Only correcting as my son has shirt with this on it.
Will comment on the other stuff later.
First thought..
Most of the worst times of my life is when I was trying to compare myself to others. As Paul succiently said, "..whatsoever state I (emphasis the I) am in..therewith be content. ...We are not to compare..we are unique individuals.
No wonder we get discouraged when we try to attain a standard (of othters) that was never meant for US.
I think this is one of the things about being a woman that is hard. We compare ourselves continuously to one another and mentally rank ourselves....and I have no flinging, flanging clue why. I'd love to blame the media, but I'm not sure that is it. It might be a human-development, specifically female development thing.
Now about the house thing...I consider my house an extention of myself. I think you are just getting to the point of being really cool with yourself, so the keeping house thing will maybe develop later. It's true I grew up watching my mom "fix up" all the time, and I do enjoy it myself...but mostly because I live in it all the time...I don't leave to work somewhere else...so I need it to be beautiful and inspiring, as well as functional and workable for me and the fam. And also, there is the thing where I want hubby to feel glad about being here. It would be a bummer to come home to a cluttered mess every day, so I try to make it comfy for him too. It's a hospitality thing, too...I want it to be nice for anybody who visits...right down to where I put the couch so SOMEBODY is comfy when they watch tv here : )
And honestly, interior design might not be your thing...no biggy. You'll figure out what works for you and whoever you love.
Hey! The "girly" house stuff is no big deal! I actually know happily married couples here who switch some of the roles: the man actually decorates the house and cooks the meals because his wife isn't interested in it. Just be clean and you'll be okay!
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