I learned some information over this weekend that had i have learned it earlier would have made my life very different than it is now.
When I decided to move to Arkansas I told God and others that there would only be 2things that would keep me from moving 1. If i got a job or ministry offer that i could not refuse and 2. If i was to have gotten in a relationship.
Well, i learned that the second was more of a possibility than i had ever originally thought but it didn't happen and I'm here.
It's hard to not think of the "what if's" in life or of the "if only's." I'm learning though that one can't dwell on them becasue its the dwelling on the what could have beens or the what should have beens, and on the what if's and the if onlys' that keep a person from truly embracing and living in the life surrounding them. I've also learned that at times fear can also keep us from living life. I'm learning how to not be captured by fear.
I'm sad that this person went so far to just not say anything. However, part of me is glad becasue I wouldn't be learning the things i am now and I wouldn't be as close to God as I am now.
However, this experience has also taught me that somethings are worth taking a risk on. And that's why its safe to say that I'm okay with moving forward.
2 comments:
SOOO...who was he?
Also..I"ve also learned that as a person moves on..the ones who are left suddenly develop much deeper feelings for them. They can afford to..they don't have to act on them, their thinking is not based in the "here and now" --the reality of the situation-its based on their sweet memories of what they have constructed or "could haves". And also..its impossible to deal with TODAY, based on the past...because..YOU are soo different now than just this summer..YOU are not the same person, he is not the same person. I know I am mixing my tenses and and players..but I hope you can follow.
I had one guy I had dated from the UP, call me after I had been married 2 years, and ask me why it hadn't worked out between us.
I said..SCOTT--YOU never asked me to Marry you!!! He was like , "OH" I just assumed you knew. Well..IF I wanted it badly enough I guess I wouldnt' have let "him asking me" be a sticking point, but evidently Idid't want it bad enough to bring up the topic anway. STILL weird tho...I kept thinking for a while ..Oh man what IF he had spoken up..what IF I had married him..untill I realize..I couldnt live "sunday morning quarterbacking" my life....I could only do the best I had with the information available at the time.
Thanks for a Reality check..and for thought provoking.
And....if it were / IS meant to be..he'll put his ass on a plane and come and get you..if not..there for SURE is a way better plan for you.
wow. life throws us for loops. i ended a relationship with a guy at Faith Baptist Bible College my freshman year, and then for two years after that i regretted it, but couldn't get him back. now, almost 6 years later, i'm married to a man so much better, that i realize God was protecting me because He had something better.
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