Wow, okay so here I go. I am going to try to blog without depressing the rest of the world..so I'm trying to limit what i blog about to the good aspects yet don't worry i will also try to be honest with everybody with where i am at right now.
I'm still very homesick, more like just lonely. Lonely for good close intimate friends who just understand me and my quirky ways. Lonely for a love that i haven't experienced yet and I'm lonely in the sense that i'm ready for heaven. I'm ready to be in a place where the fellowship and community is constant and i don't have to wonder who am i going to talk to today.
I've cried a lot the past couple of days...and i will admit this to those who read my blog but i really liked somebody and recently any and all hopes of something going beyond a friendship...completely left. I mean we're talking a heart just getting rippd out all over again and i'm just slowly trying to glue it back together.
NOW TO THE GOOD THINGS!
I"M AT BAYOUCA! I'm at a place that even though i feel so lonely I have some really great people looking after me and of course there's the Shirl who is just so soft and tender hearted and she's just looking out for me...and that is a huge comfort to know that i have somebody that if i ever get sick of crying by myself..i can cry to her.
BaYOuCa had a Purity and HOliness weekend last weekend and I got to do a workshop and it went very well for one of my first speaking engagements ever. Some girls came up to me and thanked me. I talked about how it is hard to trust God at times but he is a God worth trusting every aspect of our lives to including relationships...and i shared with the girls my own personal struggle of Beauty, value, self worth and love. I think it went really well. I know i ended up just encouraging myself by sharing that with all of you.
My friend Steve the other day brought something to my attention he said that i've really changed a lot since we first became friends like a year ago. And we talked about that...it was kind of neat because i told him that i had to change...it wasn't so much that i got a choice..we talked about BaYouCa being apart of that change...a major part of that change in me...my most growing summers have been here and my most difficult summers as well...wow!
I"ve had to grow up a lot especially this last year of college...God has just seemed to put me through the ringer and he is doing so even now...but i'm changing, I'm growing, and I"m becoming the woman that God wants me to be. And all of that is very good.
I wish you were all here...and by that I mean Elizabeth, and Vanessa, and Jenny and Donna. I would just wrap my arms around you both and just bawl and my guess is we would all probably cry together and then laugh, and then praise God. He does seem to do a lot of things that we don't understand.
And Amy, i know you read this from time to time...you owe me hug the next time you see me...and maybe i'll just cry...
I love you all, i hope this wasn't a depressing blog. I hoped it made you laugh, maybe it made you cry...but i know that I have a smile on my face now...because i'm picturing the people that i love dearly and some day we'll all be in the same place.
AMEN!!!
5 comments:
you are allowed!! we all have those times and it helps to know we are not alone and I am always here with a hug and a shoulder to cry on!!
WEll Damn girl its about time you blogged!! How are we supposed to know whats going on.
I guess I see this time for you as a place to "be still".
I mean..I know you are running around, cleaning and busy busy busy...but honey, in the midst of that..keep your HEART still for "what is next".
You will not always be at Camp...there is a future ministry that this is the foundation for. CHerish the time you are there, while looking forward to what is NEXT. the NEXT part will come soon enough..and you will be LOOKING BACK to the time you are in now.
Lay in the arms of The HOly One...and let Him comfort you..and "BE STILL".
AND BLOG MORE!!
You are loved here in Michigan.
D.
yeah...blog more!
blogging was like opening up a window for all my "far away" friends! it means they don't have to miss out on everything going on in your life, even though you are "long distance".
Ok One more thing. I think you already know what you are supposed to do in the Fall.
You just think that it may be the "easy" way out because you'd be with people who love you etc, and maybe you "dont agree" with everything going on.
Life does NOT have to be hard Miss S. You can just DO sometimes what you want to do. God uses our desires FOR us...
Dont put your roots down anywhere where you aren't surrounded by those you love, with possiblities for the future, and a place with opportunities to serve, LET alone be gainfully employed.
Don't be afraid. Just MAKE A DECISION. I used to read a LOT of Louie L'Lmour books..(westerns..each one the same)...however one thing stressed over and over again...is DO SOMETHING....inactivty kills more than movement.
For example....um...Lets just SAY FOR INSTANCE..You "make" a decision to move somewhere after camp...."pretend" to make that move in your head..try it on..see how it feels...Live with it for a while. IT WORKS>
D.
yep : )
how was the flick?
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