I think the title just about says it all but i will explain where the thought came from.
I was sharing with a friend of mine the reasons why i want to be in a relationship. Mostly explaining the changes that have occured in my mind that have left me at such peace with where i am currently at in life.
As most of you know last summer, and last semester was an extremely difficult time for me. But what you don't know or at least what i haven't told you are the reasons why it was so difficult. Most of you do know the circumstances that were taking place but there was so much more going on in my heart.
I battled with God last summer and last semester. I battled with God over family, over friends moving away, over my weight, over men, over school, over finances, over lonliness, over self-righteousness, over a lack of love in the christian realm. God litterally seemed to take all of my earthly securities (what little i had) and rip them right from under me. And it hurt!!! A LOT! But as i studied scripture as i listened in my classes and as i spent nights crying my heart out, not being able to express with words the pain that i was feeling, God began to reshape my mind.
I think the turning point in my life came when i had to go talk to Mr. Bonehing because i was failing his class. It was up in his office and Mr. Bonehing asked me about my dad and then he asked me this question..."Sara, do you think you are valuable." I couldn't answer the question and Mr. Bonehing then said this..."Sara, God sent his only son to die on the cross for you...I'd say that according to that you must be valuable...you are to God."
I then began to grasp this biblical truth about the supremacy of Christ and i stopped elevating man's opionions over Gods' truth. When i gave my heart away after all of those battles and i rested in the assurance of his word, of his truth, of HIM. I began to change.
For so long i've searched for security in my life because i had been with out security for the majority of my life. Family, friends, finances, love...things that i don't have many good experiences of.. and when i stopped searching for fulliment of these things in people and i found them alone in Christ, wow! I can't even begin to explain how i have changed...talk to Vanessa, she might be able to do a better job talking about the differances.
So, as i was talking to my friend I said "Before, i wanted a relationship because i wanted an identitiy, i wanted value, i wanted security, love, a family...and now that i realize that i have all of these things in a more abundant way in Christ...I want a relationship because i want to serve along side somebody, to experience love in a more intimate way, to learn to love a little deeper, to be an encourager to someone else, to be a support. I don't need a relationship because i need an identity, my identity is in Christ...I would just like to live out this life in service with my Lord with someone else who wants to love others too. I believe that day and time will come when the right person will arrive...but until then i will continue to serve and love and follow christ and even there after."
If i go on any more this blog will be way too long...but all i know is that a whole lot more about me has changed...and it is all for the Glory of God...it is like i said
"No more earthly securities = 100% confidence in the supremacy of Christ" or at least it should.
5 comments:
i'm so excited that God doesn't just let us stay the same: i'm glad we change...and that as Christians, those changes are for the better!!! this year has been a major year of struggles and growth for you and me both : )
Sara, it's amazing, but this is really what I am struggling with myself, and your exhuberance is a big encouragement. Of course, I have the man...I want a house. I yearn for a place of my own, and maybe a bit of security of how to keep it....amazing how some things, we learn, and then we have to exercise them in harder and harder scenarios.
: )
And yeah, everybody...Sara has come through a tunnel. She's all that, and a bag of chips.
I love you both very much!!!
Wow what an ecouragement. I have been struggling with some of those same things. Thank you for being so honest in your post. Thank you for the encouragement you may not have realized you just offered me.
ebruary 06, 2006
Jesus Loves Even Me
By John Fischer
If you’ve ever wondered how far God would go to show His love, look in the mirror and wonder no more. We need not look any further than ourselves to find the most shocking and amazing displays of God’s grace. If we think otherwise, it is only because we have not seen ourselves as we truly are.
It has been said and sung many times: “There but for the grace of God go I.” At first this sounds grateful, but such sentiment masks a dangerous pride. It is actually not unlike the statement of a religious leader in Jesus’ day as he looked upon a sinner on his knees who was crying out for God’s mercy. “I thank you, God,” said the Pharisee, “that I am not a sinner like everyone else, especially like that tax collector over there” (Luke 18:11 NLT)! It is a view that focuses on someone else’s misfortune. Someone else is worse than I am. Much better to be thinking and praying, “Here, because of the grace of God, and for no other reason, am I.” I am the only person I truly know about when it comes to sin. I am the authority on the subject.
The Pharisee hasn’t a clue about the sinner—who he is or what he has done. He has no point of reference to judge the man’s life but from his own inflated view of himself. If he had even the slightest clue about his own sin, he would realize he doesn’t have any business making the assumption that the sinner is any worse than he is. The only prayer any of us can pray on the subject of sin is: “Lord, have mercy on me, a sinner.” This is the one prayer that sends heaven scurrying.
It is best to steer completely clear of the comparison game. Any attempt to better ourselves at the mercy of someone else’s failure will always bring a twisted view of ourselves and others.
The immensity of God’s mercy is not displayed in what He did for the world, or for someone else. It is not displayed in someone else’s story about how low they were before Christ picked them up (of course, never as low as we would ever go—heaven forbid!). Nor is it discovered through some theological understanding or study of the many nuances of His grace. No, the immensity of God’s mercy is revealed finally—and only—in the incredible realization that, lo and behold, it found out the worst of the lot. God’s mercy looked down from heaven and found out me!
I am so glad that Jesus loves me
Jesus loves me… Jesus loves me.
I am so glad that Jesus loves me;
Jesus loves even me.
Phillip P. Bliss, 1870
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